Thursday, July 24, 2008


Originally uploaded by oliver aka fuggels

This is what I feel like at the moment.  I suffer from severe, chronic depression and have been off work for a year as a result.  Things have been slowly improving over the last few months, but last week the wheels fell off.  My mood was very poor and I often didn't have the energy to get out of bed.  You can see from the quantity and quality of recent blog entries. Ups and downs are to be expected, but this is worse and more long lasting than the usual down periods. 

This week, the doctor added Remeron to try and stabilize my mood.  Its worked before.  Unfortunately, it makes me so tired I can't really function.  We are counter-acting that with Concerta.  It works, but not very well.  I really hate amphetemines.  They make me frantic, but still dead tired.  Like a wide awake drunk.

As noted in an earlier article, I think what we call depression is really a variety of different conditions that share similar symptoms.  What I have feels a lot more like a mild neurodegenetrive condition than anything else.  The congnitive aspects are significant.  Right now my memory is like a sieve, I can't concentrate on anything and my interest level is nil.  Besides being so tired I want to throw up. 

Anyway, this is not a blog about depression.  This is a blog to keep me busy so I can overcome depression.  I just want to keep posting and this is the only thing on the table at the moment.